My Family

Hey... It's been a year or more... probably more like 2 years now, but I thought I'd drop by here again just to share some things. Meggan and I have been back together for a year now and things are just as smooth as the day we met. I couldn't ask for more.

I wanted to post a few things about my wife, my daughters and my father.

Meggan: Meggan has always been my heart & soul, my partner in life, my everything. We've had our moments over the past nine years, but overall, it's been amazing. I look at her today and see the woman I've always drempt of, the mother of my three beautiful daughters and so much more. I appriciate her as no other could, or ever will, for all the right reasons, and some reasons beyond me. I'll never leave her side, and now I can see she will never again leave mine.



Ashleigh Marie: Ashleigh has ment so much to me. She was my first baby and such a landmark in my life. One I never thought I'd set. She is the beautiful vision of love and kindness that parents dream their children will be. Ashleigh taught me who I was... who I am today is because of her, and I couldn't have made the life I have without her. She makes me proud almost every day with her broad range of interests and abilities.





Charon Skye: Charon is the embodiment of what childhood is. She's the spitting image of myself from 25 years ago, but with more excitement and curiosity for life. She brings smiles wherever she goes and always brings down the house with her antics. A born comedian. She loves being a little sister, but more so, enjoys her role as big sister. Whenever I need a laugh, I go to her and she never fails to amuse me. She's very outgoing and makes friends every time she goes out. I don't think I've ever met anyone who didn't just rave over her silly dancing, joke telling, goofy faces and great sense of humor.



Io Joanne~Jean: Io is my little daddy's girl. My one true fan in this world. She is my daily inspiration, my reason to respect myself as a father and my little shining star. If I had half the integrity she has, I would be some kind of super hero. As much as she has been in the hospital for this and that... as many life altering problems she has been diagnosed with... as many tears as we as parents have shed over her, she still peers into our hearts with her little crystal-like eyes and shows us the biggest smiles in the whole world. She doesn't care about what's wrong, she cares about what's right. I've never seen a smile that could melt ice... until Io's. She is perfect in a way no one else would ever understand.



Mark: My dad has had a rough life. Yet somehow has always been there for me in one form or another. He's always been more of a friend than a parent, but he's also done alot for me and my sister over the years. He's the best grandfather the girls could wish for and they let him know it. He accepts my choices in life, even when he doesn't agree with them. He's always there to talk & joke with. We don't always get along, and down right piss eachother off at times, but he's still one of my bigest influences and a true idol in my life. I've always felt like my father was the best man he could be and I always hoped to be as honest, giving and un-selfish as he is. He still to this day is the most honest person I know. I will always look up to him and love him.

That's all for now. Maybe I'll be back here to post more another day... maybe I wont.
~KM

Content with just being.

Meggan, I'll always love you, but I understand things better and am thinking so much more clearly now. I'm sorry it had to happen the way it did & I may never fully understand WHY it did, but I think you'd agree with me when I say that we're both better off now.

I'm ready to begin a new life. It will never be the same and it will be hard, but I believe it will be better & I think you agree. We may never have been ment for eachother in the long run, but the time we spent in eachothers lives was not a waste. I think we both needed eachother to grow and progress, but that time has passed. I thank you from the depths of my heart for everything you've taught me about life, love & myself.

I would love nothing more than to see my babies, but you'll tell me when YOU'RE ready. If you write me, you'll write me, and if not, then you won't. I'm not writing this directly to you, but as a release to myself on my personal page. Unless YOU decide otherwise, you will always be my friend. Maybe not in the sense we had hoped we would be friends after we parted ways, but none-the-less, friends.

There are many things I'd love to talk about... all of them good, none of them bad, but we'll save it for a day when we can sit face-to-face with eachother accross a table, or in some other pleasent setting. For now, please just take care of our beautiful girls and let them know that their daddy would give his life for them & that that will never change.

My time grows shorter by the hour, and yet, I feel completely at ease & know that life after my dues are paid will be a new place for me to explore. I'm actually curious and happy with it. This is not to say that I'm walking away with no sadness in my heart, but that I have accepted our lives for what they are instead of trying to twist them into something that they aren't and just having it turn into a grotesque misconception of that.

You are forever in my heart as I hope I am in yours.

I regrett a recent 1/2 second of our lives, but otherwise, would change nothing. We have helped eachother as far as we are able.

Your ever-sharing life student/teacher,
Keith

For the past 8 years, I have shaped my life around a family that I loved, respected & cherished wholeheartedly. Nothing in this world could break the bonds that I shared with my wife. I honored, ney, worshiped her. All this out of a haphazard relationship with a clingy girl who begged me to marry her and give her children

Over those years, we had become what most only dream of, and held our heads high with the knowledge of how fortunate we both were to have found our one true match in life while others grasped at the hopes and dreams that we were lucky enough to have truely been blessed with... or so it seemed.

However, on August 7th, 2008, my wife, for reasons unanounced to myself, decided the fairytale was over. She took my children, left me, filed a restraining order and set a divorce in motion.

Since that day, we have had our up's & down's. One day she will comfort me and lay with me, ending the night in a romantic love-making session. The next, she will be cross, hurtful and ignorant to anything other than her own imediate needs.

Over those 8 glorious years, I have forgiven her many times for cheating, lying, deceiving & in many other ways, hurting me. Reguardless of her infidelities, I never once treated her different on a grand scale. Always supporting her every move and helping her through her hardest of times.

I dedicated my life to making our family what she had always drempt of and put any of my wishes on the back burner until I was sure she was completely happy.

Nearly 4 days ago now, we came to the date of our divorce. She imediately (the next night), slept with a man she had been chasing since... guess when... August of 2008.

Meggan, I could go on for days about the mistakes you've made in your life as of late. I really could. Honestly, it's not worth it. But when you figure out that the "I'm not ready" line is a common one used to get away from a clingy woman after the man has already got what he wants, or figures out he's not going to get it in a timely fashion, I won't be waiting for you. Not again... not this time. One day you will remember what we had and hate yourself for letting go of it.

Me? I have to live with my choices every day. And while I was always loyal to you and was always honest with you, you truely didn't deserve me to begin with. I have no regrets. You will always hold a place in my heart that is very dear to me, but you will never hurt me again.

For now, I'm sure all of this means very little to you, as there's too many "hot guys" to have sex with for you to waste any time having any serious thoughts about life, lasting relationships or true love, but god willing, you will understand and feel the pain you have given me one day.

I'm feeling a change comming. For years, I have had women question me about my satisfaction in my marriage & offer an alternative. Some of them I have actually cared for or had somewhat of a bond with, yet I always remained true to my wife. In short, I've never had any problems attracting women. Maybe now is time to explore lifes other options. I've threatened it before in hopes of a change in heart on her behalf, but hey... she's proven again and again that she's not interested. So to all the girls that have watched this situation and wondered, wonder no longer. I AM single. Not to say it's time to whore it up, but I am one person again. I am sick with sorrow, and may not want to jump into any relationships, but I am open to moving on... once and for all.
~Keith Earl Marsh

And theeeeen...

It's official. As of about 2:30PM Today, I'm divorced. I guess I wasn't expecting it to go so quickly. Basicly the judge asked Meggan a few questions, understood that I didn't agree to the divorce, but decided not to ask me why and declaired us officially divorced. End of story.

Just for the record, I gave her the best 8 years of marriage any woman could have ever hoped for. Our marriage was pretty much story-book'esque untill she just snapped one day. She's changed her reason so many times that I'm not sure she even knows why this happened anymore, but I guess it doesn't matter. She will openly admitt (to me anyways) that I was always good to her and treated her like a princess. However, when it comes to other men, she plays the "Oh he was so mean to me, so pitty me and maybe I can get laid" card. I pretty much saw that much comming because when we got together I heard so many horror stories about her past relationships. Basicly the same exact things that are now coming out of her mouth about me.

I wish I could just pick up and move on, but I love my children and that will always tie me to Meggan in one way or another. It's going to take some time to get my head back on straight and continue MY life.

I feel like after today I can safely say I'm not IN love with her after how cold she's been through all of this, but I do still love her... as anyone would love the mother of their children and life partner of several years. You don't just throw people away... at least, I don't... she might if she had the chance. There's already several other men that she's all goofy about, so whatever. It's the same 'stalk & rape' type of shit that she pulled on me when she met me. Whoever she doesn't scare away with that will I'm sure end up knowing how she can be and I feel bad for them... and her. Why her? Because the way I see it, she'll never be able to settle down with someone with the intent or ability to keep a healthy relationship.

That said, I don't wish her anything she doesn't deserve. I ment no hate or bad will in anything I've said. Some may hate my honesty, some may pitty me, some may not care either way. I'm not looking for opinions or pitty or support, I'm simply outing my inner pains.

~KM

It's been a while, so here's this.

Alot of people wonder (for some reason) and ask me what's new, what's happening in my life and whats up between Meggan and I. So...

Things went from bad to worse after christmas. Meggan decided I wasn't going to live with her and the kids anymore and after the dawn of the new year, tossed me out... again.

I moved on without much argument and am staying elsewhere now. Got my cable internet hooked up there and everything, WOOT! lol.

So since then, we've been talking and everything. I stay with the kids alot while she works and whatnot. I usually end up staying the night and being seduced... not complaining. The sex has been suprisingly good. We've been fucking like we're damn teenagers again, which is cool by me I suppose. It's always good to break off a really nice piece of ass at the end of every day to help you sleep really good.

Of course there's the emotional attachment there too, but it's not bothering me as much as it used to. I actually think she's more aware of that aspect than I am. We've discussed things and figure we'll get back together at some point, but I for one am in no hurry. I'd rather just try to enjoy what I have and live life by myself for a while. My priorities are screwy right now, but I'm doing fair.

My 29th birthday is fast approaching and I think I'll take the time and money to really enjoy myself this year. I haven't done anything like that in many years. So without the responsibilities and obligations of a wife and family holding me back from it, I guess I'll go nuts for a night or two and just be me. If you're in the area and have any ideas, hit me up sometime soon and let me know what's up.

Sold off a handfull of my blu-ray movies in order to get the internet installed (to the tune of $79.99), but still have a nice BR/DVD collection. Since DVDSpot closed last year, I've moved my collection to this site: http://foof.dvdaf.com
You can click the owned tab from there (under my picture) and view my collection, or click my wish list and see what I'm looking for (theres only a very few on my wish list right now).

I've been downloading alot of movies from torrent sites (mainly mininova.org) lately and watching some good stuff. I always buy what I like, just nice to be able to preview some movies before buying them. The Day The Earth Stood Still was pretty good. Also got lucky and found a screener download of My Name Is Bruce (the new Bruce Campbell movie). It's great... I knew it would be, lol. A few other good movies I've downloaded are:

Zach and Miri Make A Porno (Comedy/Romance) 6/10
Eden Lake (Suspence/Horror) 6/10
Lakeview Terrace (Thriller/Suspence) 7/10
House (Horror - I was hoping it was a remake of the 80s film but it was still okay) 5.5/10
Alien Raiders (Sci-Fi/Horror) 7/10
Jurassic Fight Club Season One (Educational/Fantasy/Science) 9/10
The Wackness (Teen/Drama/Comedy) 8/10
War of the Worlds 2: The Next Wave (Sci-Fi/B-Flick) 7/10
Family Guy Presents Blue Harvest (Animation/Parody) 5/10
Bedtime Stories (Comedy) 5/10
Teeth (Horror/Comedy/B-Flick) 9/10

So other than that, Socom Confrontation just released a patch with trophy support, and the trophies are hard stuff. It's going to take some time invested to unlock them. And on that note, Hermus got me into this site that has a trophy card creator so you can collect and display your PS3 trophies:


PS3 Trophies

Not much else going on, just trying to make it day by day.
~KM

Some people...

Some people make poor choices in their lives that come back to bite them in the ass.
Some people don't realize that the police know certain things that hang in an ackward balance that can have several outcomes depending on how some other people decide to tip the scales based on how they're treated.
Some people know how to cover their asses and some people aren't mentally capable of understanding that they're about to fuck themselves.
Some people let certain information slip due to unpredictable people so that the first person has the second by the gonads without the second ever knowing what's going on.
Some people play games to the extent of making others step back and re-evaluate their standings and make things a bit more comfortable for themselves.
Some people are even stupid enough to play into others hands to the point of getting themselves screwed just by speaking the truth (the state should love this one...).
And finally... some people should have appriciated what they had before they decided they were going to shit on somebody else for no reaso other than they're a total cunt.

I will forever outsmart you, your mother and anyone you try to have coach you through the idiocy THEY feel should be YOUR life.
I played dumb and played nice for too long... have fun, slut. No more hiding behind me...
Should have listened while you had the chance.
Heh... some people... ;-)
~KM

Dear Meggan,

Know what I miss the most? When you would look into my eyes and smile and just share the moment. Everything was always okay when we were together. It makes me sad to know that it’s gone now. I understand, and I’m starting to lose the feelings too, it’s just hard to let go and leave us in the past. It’s like the one thing that was never supposed to happen. We were together forever and then some and nobody could ever change it... then it just changed. I guess true love can never exist between two people, just from one person to another. Our ’love at first sight’ turned into ’why can’t we love eachother anymore?’

I’m losing my best friend and I’ll never get her back. I’ve never had a friend like you before... and I never will again. We’ve done so much together and shared so many things... our first child, our first love, our first marriage, our first home, our first new family, and so much more. I can’t imagine not having eachother to protect one another from the harsh outside world. I always thought we took eachother away to a better place, but now you’ve forgotten how to get to that place, and I’m all alone there. Kinda defeats the purpose of having that place at all.

Now, it just hurts to look at you and not have you run to my arms and lay your head against my chest with that look of eternal happines in your sparkling eyes. Instead now, I have to watch you go about your business as if we never were. I wish I had the power to be as disconected as you are. But every time I try, my heart breaks again. I want to let go, but I know I’ll drown in lonlyness if I do. The further I drift from you, the darker it gets. The bright light of loves dawn has faded into a midnight of disgust and hate. Why did we ever start something that YOU couldn’t finish?

"I’ll never leave you", "Forever", "I promise", "We were made for eachother", "True love", "We are soulmates"... all things you’ve said time and again that were lies... and every one of them hurts. I don’t understand, but I forgive you. You will always be my one and only and I really will never give up on you. You mean too much to me... but maybe you’ll be happy with someone who will lie to you, cheat on you and never truely love you. Maybe it’s what you want. Maybe I was TOO good to you. Yet you lie to your "friends" and tell them off the wall things about me to make yourself feel vindicated by turning me into something I never was. You KNOW I’ve never treated you like anything less than a princess. I’ve ALWAYS supported you and my children and contributed valuable assetts in one way or another. I’ve always been proud of you and proud to be with you. When someone would talk behind your back, I was always there to defend you. When I saw your "friends" being hurtful or using you, I told you. Sometimes you believed me, sometimes not, but it always came out in the wash and you always thanked me for being who I am.

You’re my baby and I love you,
~KM

PS. Digest that, think about it and write back with your feelings. Not a couple words just to dodge the thought, but take time to be real with me. Write it in private so that you can be open and not have to hide anything.

I gues now, after everything that's happened, Meggan has decided we're not going to work things out and that my time here is rather limited. Aftereverything I've done, her crying for me to come back, she just can't appriciate me. I gues everything happens for a reason. I still won't give up on her. I'm her soulmate and her husban. I wish she would understand what she's doing, not only to me and the girls, but to herself. I guess things could change, but I don't know.

As I said though, I refuse to give up on her. We're still best friends and we still like to be around eachothe most of the time I think. She's just too confused. I'd love to be able to help her think clearly for a day, but nothing I've tried is working. We had several REALLY good days together, then she just decided we weren't happy.

It's all up in the air for now, but I gues I'm just job hunting for now to try to get back out on my own. Might take a bit of time, and I hope she can be understanding of that, but right now, I'm making it top priority to give her the things she needs in life (other than myself) and move out of her way.

Leigh, if you read this, none of it is ment to upset you or sound rude. Just the bare facts for now. I hope everything is okay for/with you.

I Love You,
~KM
2003-2009

Me and my soulmate.

Meggan asked me to leave her and let her have time to think about everything, so I left with a good friend and got out of town. I left while she was at work so that it wouldn’t be so hard on me to go.

When she got home from work, she got ahold of me on yahoo and on myspace and we talked. She was really confused about everything, but by the end of our talking, she asked me to come live with her because she couldn’t stand me being where I was and not with her. She told me she’d secretly hoped I would still be there when she got home from work.

SO... I came back to her... a 2 hour drive.... at 4am. What is love? Is that it? If not... wow. I caused someone some hurt with that one, but I can’t leave my baby like this:

I don’t know what to think right now, but I believe we’ve come to agree that we WILL be together again, but we need to work on some things and she still needs time to think everything over. We snuggle up every night and it feels good and feels right and I believe she will bring our family back together soon.

I really felt that she wanted me to leave or else I never would have. I believe the only way to go from here is up and we’ll slowly progress back to our loving relationship.

Maybe I’m wrong, but does anybody know another man that would have put up with everything I’ve been through and still be with their woman? I gues maybe I’ve decided I’m actually worth something. I want to be with Meggan. She’s my soulmate and my first and only true love. I’m sorry to anyone who has tried to have a relationship with me thinking I could love them the same as I love her, but I never can. She is my heart & soul and always will be no matter what. If she came home tonight and shot me in the face, stabbed me in the back and poisoned my drink, I’d still love her unconditionally. I just hope she realizes it before I have to settle for a 2nd rate life somewhere else. I fel like I deserve to be happy, and for whatever reason, that means being with her for life, death and beyond. It’s her choice. I’m a fool for her.

Forever,
~KM

Yeah...

I don't know how motivated I am to type lately... obviously not much, as it's been quiet on this page for a minute. I guess the less I'm here typing, the more time I'm spending with my wife and kids. Things are going good lately, alot of kissing and cudling lately... occasionally a booty call, but more importantly, a feeling of self-worth and some sense of love returning.

Some folks I know from a mesage board I frequent were concerned that I hadn't been around in a while, and so I responded with a quick post which I will re-post here to avoid having to re-type the same things. My post there read as follows:

I'm 'alive' I guess.

Been spending alot of time with my wife lately. We're doing good, but she's still set on divorce, or so she says. I dunno, sometimes she acts like nothing ever happened and we're fine, but when I start to think things are okay, she drops one of those "Maybe some day, but not now" bombs on my head and I ride the rollercoaster some more.

I guess it's more good times than bad right now, but I'm still depressed.

As far as Socom goes, shit's dope. I haven't been on a whole lot since we started spending our time together again, but I love that fuckin game. Resurrected my clan from S3 (Elite Delta, [ELT]) and runnin with about an 8 man group. Set up a Squad and a Doubles on GameBattles, but haven't got too far with that so far. Played 2 Doubles with my partner and we lost both, so we're in need of some touching up, but we'll get there.Just too busy trying to put my life back together right now and bring my wife back to reality.

Today is our 5th wedding anniverary.

Tomorrow we're going to Hallowicked to blow off some steam and have fun (not that ICP is my idea of fun, but she wanted to go, so I got her tickets).

Pretty much trying to get her to let me move back in on a more perm. level so I can work on getting a foundation to build on as far as employment and mental stability. Maybe that's ass backwards, but fuck off, I'm a mesed up individual.

Thanks for the kind words everybody,
~KM