I feel good, but for how long? And when does this ride end?

Those are my main concerns as of now, second only to "How can I make Meggan happy?". The kids are easy. All I have to do is show up and they're happy with me! :-) If only it were as easy to please Meggan, life would be perfect! Haha.

All day today I've been thinking about her and how bad I need her in my life. The end result was that I broke down again and went to see her tonight around 9:30 or so. I'm trying really hard to give her time to herself to reflect and think about us, but I love her so, which makes it agonizing to not be with her every second.

We talked a little about this and that, I cried a little as I told her how I'd been feeling (yeah, I'm a wuss sometimes, I know), and we decided to watch a movie together. I went and got the movie, came back and gave her the usual as we talked and somewhat watched "The Andromeda Strain". Back rub, shoulder rub, neck rub, back scratch, scalp massage, foot rub & cracked her neck for her. I gave her shoulders and neck a few light kisses, which she claimed to enjoy.

After about 3/4 of the movie was over, she started to get really tired and asked if we could finish the movie tomorrow night so she could go to bed. I agreed and on my way out, told her I was so madly in love with her. She proclaimed that she was also madly in love, to which I had to gulp back fear and ask 'with who?'. But to my suprise and delight, she confirmed it was with me. It's put me on cloud 9 for the time being. It's kinda like when we started dating, but slower and more precise with the movements. That's how it feels to me anyways. It's more frightening and I feel like the proverbial 'Bull in the china shop' when I'm with her. I have to move very slowly and be extra careful or else I could break everything around me.

While I really have come to terms with the fact that this really is my life and not a book or movie, it still feels like a story where two lovers are torn apart for whatever reason and are trying to find one another again. You want the main characters to fall in love again and make the ending so beautiful, but do all books end that way? I hope this one does. Sometimes I doubt that Meggan even misses me, but when I talk to her and she tells me she loves me and misses me too, I'm yanked back onto my feet and believe in our relationship again. I never really doubt it I guess, but I get lost in the filler text sometimes and need her to guide me back to the main story.

I guess that's the easiest way for me to explain how everything feels right now. I'm sorry for any cliches I might have stumbled apon, but this is my real life and isn't ment to entertain. However, while it might be of some interest to someone, somewhere, I hope that some day I can write the happy ending that I so desperately need.

I love you Meggan.

Goodnight.
~KM