Can friendship work? (New developments)

Last night, my friend Shane got some people together to move my 130 gallon aquarium from my wifes apartment. In the midst of all of it, I told him to ask her if she wanted to be civil and speak with me so we didn't have to have all the go-betweens. She eagerly accepted and I went to see her. My hands trembled horribly, but I had to deal with it. It was excruciatingly hard to look at her and not break down, but I managed... for a while anyways. We shook hands and decided we could both act like adults, and for the most part, both had been already. Just alot of confusion because of the indirect route all the messages seem to have taken. We worked alot of little details out and are now on good terms.

She told me she still loves me, and I will always love her. She held me and I held back, we went for a walk together and talked, we sat together and talked, we spoke about the kids and we agreed that there's no reason we cant have joint custody as long as the courts allow it. There was just so much talking between us and it felt so good. Theraputic even.

I'm not getting any hopes up for us to get back together, nor is she, we just stated we still love one another and enjoy eachothers company. I felt like through this whole thing like I was outcasted, a criminal and just a horrible person. Since speaking with her, alot of that has gone away. Of course it also brings up all new issues of sadness and depression, but one day I'll get over it. All things happen for a reason. She's made the "Who knows, maybe down the road..." statement, which is a nice thought, I just wont hold my breath.

Anyways, she invited me over thismorning as well, so we hung out and worked on cleaning up the apartment a little. We started to cuddle up and take a nap, but we only stayed in bed about 20 minutes before she thought of something that needed done, but it was comforting none the less. I miss her greatly at night. After 5+ years of having another body in your arms every night, it's very sad to not have that person there anymore.

She had to leave for work at 5PM tonight, but invited me back around 11PM to help finish painting a small portion of wall and maybe watch a movie together. I asked her if she wanted me there or if it was more a pitty thing and she said she felt better with me there and did want me to come over, so, as long as that's the case, I'll continue. I'm glad we can be friends, but it's going to be hard for me for a while. I don't know that I'll ever lose feelings for her, but this is alot better than thinking she hates me. She said hopefully this weekend they're moving back into the apartment from her moms place and I can come see the girls whenever I want!!!!! :-) Happy me!

My friend (through my sister), Beckie has been a good shoulder lately. She's a sweetheart and I really appriciate her. She has a few things she's working through too, so we both have things to talk about. It's nice to have someone to talk to that doesn't just "yeah... uh-huh..." through everything you say.

So, if anybody mentioned is reading this, Meggan, I love you, Beckie, thank you for being there, and Le, call me back you douche bag, haha.
~KM